This is the fourth time I’ve gone online fully intending to buy some summer stuff for my holiday, got depressed because I know I’d look dire in everything and given up.
I think I’ll just sit on the beach in Ibiza in jumpers and baggy jeans.
“if i’m a person of color, i’m allowed to hate white people!!!!’
“if i’m gay, i’m allowed to hate straight people!!!!”
“if i’m a woman, i’m allowed to hate men!!!”
“if i’m trans*, i’m allowed to hate cis people!!!”
I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up.
Fucking worst feeling ever.
IF YOU SAY THE WORD BATTERIES REALLY FAST IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE SAYING “PARIS” IN A FRENCH ACCENT
WORD OF WARNING THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT IF NOT YOU WILL JUST SIT IN YOUR ROOM LIKE A KNOB SAYING BATTERIES
It sounded like i was saying ‘PATRICE’ in a french accent to be fair
So yesterday I went to talk to a friend of my boyfriend who’s having some issues. It was sort of a counselling session, but it wasn’t anywhere near as rigid as that, we mainly just talked through his problems and where he wants to go from here.
As much as it wasn’t a proper session, and he didn’t pay me anything, it was pretty much the first time I’d been able to do anything like that since I finished my client hours and left uni, and I’d forgotten how much I loved it, if I’m honest. I left his house on this massive high, reminded how much I loved that sort of thing, and feeling so good that I’d been able to help him in some small way.
I got home, and felt for the first time in forever like I’d achieved something, like it wasn’t a wasted day. It’s hard to describe but I just felt more confident, contented, just generally happier.
Then I woke up this morning with an empty day stretched out in front of me, the knowledge I have almost zero chance of getting a job and now I feel even worse than I was before I saw this guy. Because I’d reminded myself of what my life could be like, what it should be like, and the contrast between that and the situation I’m in is just awful and depresses me beyond words.